Kids TV for Grown Ups

7.10am Postman Pat

He’s late. Again. Just like every bloody day. Everyone seems to think he’s some kind of hero but we all know you’d get wound up with his japes. And how much of a closet murderer is Ben from the Special Delivery Service?

7.20am Thomas and Friends

One of far too many stupid trains tries to do something helpful but actually ruins everything, leaving the Fat Controller to pathetically have a go… Seriously, the words “You have caused confusion and delay” have lost all meaning. Also, why don’t the human drivers ever get into bother for the utter daily buffoonery on the island of Sodor?

7.35am Peppa Pig

Peppa and her horrible little brother set a horrendous example to your children by refusing to eat vegetables unless they’re shaped like a dinosaur, mocking their overweight father, then jumping in puddles and rolling in wet mud laughing.

7.45am Fireman Sam

No one has smashed Norman’s face in yet.

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